Wednesday, January 24, 2007

FEAR

I got a surprise email a few days ago from another artist. It was a dream email. It was from another creative who spoke to me in a soul bearing way about his work and what he thought of my work. As I read the text, he mentioned I had posted about having issues with my life and day job at the moment. He told me that he had been watching my work for quite a while and it seemed (to him), I was a person who had it “together”. My very first reaction when I read those words was to scrunch my nose. It is so easy to feel unworthy and deny my successes. However, I realized that reflex was an old, knee jerk reaction. Almost immediately, my true self said: “See, you are right! You aren’t doing so bad!!” LOL LOL
I am not a fool though. I realize that no matter how well we do; no matter how much we accomplish in our lives; we still want to strive for more and reach our potential. I suppose the reason this email struck a chord in me is because I realize even though I have done a lot in my life; I still can do much, much more. I am not living to my potential. That made me ask my inner self: WHY? The answer to this question is simple: FEAR! I am not really sure what I am afraid of at the moment. I am working on that. However, it interests me how this seems to be a running thread in my life.
A few years ago, I did this painting about my FEAR of bridges. As I worked on it, I needed to paint the vehicle in the water. I owned a truck at the time. I didn’t want to bring myself “spooky Karma” by painting a truck submerged in the water. Therefore, I thought, “I will paint a sedan! I will never have one of those!!” I did just that and before the end of the year, I WON a Chevy Malibu SEDAN. It scared the crap out of me! Needless to say, I never drove that car over a bridge!!! LOL LOL In fact, I traded it in for a new SUV! Thank Goodness!!
The bottom line is I realize fears are irrational. I have got that part. I just have to move on and flourish in my art life despite some weird, unknown fears. In other words, I need to spit in the wind and defy my art fears!!


FEAR
Acrylic/Wood
20” X 15”
Click to Enlarge

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