Monday, May 7, 2007

Memories Lie Sometimes

Looking back on time and experiences of your life is like remembering an old boyfriend. You remember most of the GOOD things. Walking down memory lane, I have had an avalanche of boulders hit me like rushing rocks slamming me in the head this past week. Boing, Boing, Crash, Crash!!

It all started with a friend who I worked with on my day job. I had emailed him just to keep touch. He left our mutual employer about two years ago. He confided that he misses the old job sometimes. Then, he went on to say why. I read the email and commiserated with him. I remember all that too. However, it doesn’t exist anymore. In other words if he came back to this job, the reality wouldn’t fit the memory. Things have changed.

This weekend, my good artist friend, GILDA, sent me a YouTube link. She had uploaded a video of a gallery opening in my hometown of Detroit. This opened up a floodgate. I watched her videos and then proceeded to download another series about Detroit’s Willis Gallery. I am still on dial-up ($$$$$$). It took me the entire day to watch her videos and the Willis Gallery videos.
After watching, I realized how much I miss Detroit. No..........let me rephrase that…I miss what I had when I lived in Detroit. I miss the art community. I miss that there was always something going on at a gallery or museum. I miss the huge family of artists that were always around. I miss the familiar venues and grandiose openings. I miss all those things a lot.
However, I know all that is different or gone now. It doesn’t exist in the same way I remember it. Also, my memory sanitizes the reality. I can say it was such a fun, adventurous, bohemian, artist’s life. Yet, I also have to poke myself to remember that I was dirt poor, had a brand new baby, didn’t have money to buy good art supplies, didn’t know where my next meal (or anything else for that matter) was going to come from. Also, I don’t want to think about the mice and cockroaches that lived with me in my Third Street, Cass Corridor, three story, walk-up apartment. I just remember the happy things.

I wish I could go back there again, but as I am now. That isn’t possible. I didn’t realize then how things would transform. It is a Yin/Yang kind of deal. I love my life now with a bit of money/security, but I miss the feeling of a cohesive art community working for a purpose. There was always important work to be done. There were always important exhibitions to see. There were always friends in the same boat as I and I knew if I needed anything, they would be there for me. I don’t have that now. I am still an artist, but very isolated and alone. I am struggling to understand what is most important in my life. I guess I still need to work on this and weigh it all out.

I remember coming into downtown Detroit and seeing this sign.
I took it for granted.
The look was so “hippiesque” and visualized my feelings about my Detroit.
It is gone now, just like so many other things.
Appreciate your now because it won’t be there forever!

No comments: