Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Why DO I do this?

This morning I read a great blog post at The Intrepid Art Collector. The post “A Wife Sentence” speaks on the topic of sexism, ageism, and other fun stuff as it relates to the arts. After responding to the post and writing a few emails to friends. I sat here for a minute and thought “Why DO I keep doing this?” I guess the previous hour of thinking brought on doubt and concern. Oh, I have thoughts like this every so often. I will be lying on the couch looking around my living room with all the art hanging salon style. As my eyes move from canvas to canvas, there have been moments when I ask, “What is the point? Why do I keep painting and making and doing?” Why, Why, Why? Luckily, those thoughts come infrequently and usually end with a resounding “SHUT UP SHEREE!” I guess I tend to move fast so reality can’t catch my spirit!! Yet, this morning the feeling of desolation seemed to take the form of oozy goo causing me to be stuck in place. I got up and looked into my studio. I sprang back to the computer chair to pull off the sticky residue enveloping my mind.
I just have to STOP this. My head just doesn’t need to go there. It is great to evaluate your life choices. It is important to be reflective. It is vital to take inventory of life events. However to let negative conclusions hinder future progression is not good at all.
Is trying to stay positive futile? In my mind’s eye at this moment, I have an image of me strangling POLLYANNA. The angel on my right shoulder just jumped in there to save her. I don’t regret being an artist at all. I have had wonderful art life experiences. Yes, I always want more. So why DO I keep painting? I guess the answer is I can’t imagine living without making art and all that comes with that life choice. Even though I don't like it, I realize this choice has to include the cherries AND the pits.

"Misbehaviorists" series
Acrylic on Canvas
8” X 10”
Click to enlarge

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