Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Happy (?) Halloween
This is me on Halloween 2005. I went to Halloween party dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. I weighed 94 pounds in this picture. That is a perfect weight for me because I am less than 5 foot tall. I stayed that weight until around mid 2006. THEN, I gave up paying attention. BOO Hoo! That is SCARY!!!
This stupid weight and body image thing has haunted me all my life.
For ME, it has a lot to do with men. Are they FRIGHTENING?? LOL I have been single most of my life. Oh yes, I have had relationships, but never traditional or long lasting. I have been “skinny” and skeletal three times in my life. Each time was because I was interested in a man or men. All the other times, I keep about 10-20 extra pounds around to scare men away. I know this is stupid. But for some bizarre reason, this is the way things work out with me.
A year and a half ago after going on a yearlong dating spree and major exercise binge, I decided I was done dating for the rest of my life. LOL It was a super fun “Dating Marathon”. I had all kinds of NEW experiences. Yet, I have been single because I like being single. I have been alone because I like being alone. So I stopped pursuing that “hobby”. The problem with this is that I gave myself permission to let go of my healthy habits. For the past year, I haven’t been watching what I eat. I walk past my treadmill like it is an unwanted intruder in my home. Looking at the Riding Hood pic makes me want to kick myself in my fat butt and SCREAM! I don’t think I could get into that costume even if I wanted to at this moment. It really isn’t a huge deal. I am not a candidate for the “Biggest Loser” (my favorite TV show right now). I am still in the acceptable range according to my BMI. However, I feel awful. I feel like a blimp. Really, I feel like somebody put a tire pump in my mouth and blew me up to capacity. I am SO uncomfortable. I know how to lose the extra pounds I have allowed to envelop my body. I just have to do the work. I am a firm believer in the calories in/calories out mentality. That’s it. However, this time I am not going to do it for men. I am going to do it for me. So tonight, I will indulge in left over Halloween candy. Tomorrow, we will see! I am not going to talk about this ever again on my blog until the first week of June 2008. I will report back seven months from now to see if I actually made good choices. I picked that month because it will take me that long to get “buff” again and I want to go swimming this summer. I don’t want to be embarrassed or seen as a big, flabby monster!!!! OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, now that IS SCARY!!!
This is how I feel right now.
I am a big, fat pumpkin. At least, I feel that way.
However, this is as bad as it gets!
November 1st signals the dawn of a new day!!!
RUN SHEREE RUN!!!