Thursday, May 29, 2008

Art Blog: Inertia Ends

Oh I know, I know. I have been talking about this forever. I just needed something to push me over the edge. I guess I was CHICKEN. Well, yesterday it happened. I experienced the moment that was the last straw. I am done. I am ready. It is time for me to move on. Oh my goodness, it is such a relief to say this. It is OK. It will be OK. It is a good thing. One thing I know for sure is I always land on my feet. Also, my friend Gilda reminded me I have “remodeled my life” before. I can do it again!
I don’t want to go into details. However, something happened at work that was like a bop on my head. I get it now. I get the fact it is really, REALLY time for me to move on to new things. New horizons. A new life. I am looking at it like a new adventure.
Have you ever worked at the same place for 15 years? Have you? If so, you know what I am going through. I am a fixture at my job. I am a really great fixture. They are so lucky to have me. I have been so lucky to have them. I have always gotten what I needed to do a really great job. Yet, I am not happy. In fact, I am miserable. That is why it is time to move on. I realize this now.
It is time.
I came home yesterday and immediately started looking for another job. This is a HUGE step for me. Until now, I have been paralyzed with fear. I am over being scared. So, I dusted off my transcripts. I made a “job search” folder and started to collect leads. I have already sent inquires concerning a few advertisements I read. This weekend I am polishing up my job resume and preparing application materials. I am open to all kinds of possibilities. I am keeping an open mind and want to see what I can find out there. I might not teach K-12 anymore. I might go back to being an adjunct at a college. I might go back to working at an art center or museum. I might even end up working as a truck stop diner waitress!!! Who knows? I am less concerned with the kind of job I will get. I am more concerned about keeping my sanity and health.
It is kind of ironic. I started working with mentally ill children because I related to them. I understood their chaos. Growing up, I lived a life less than calm. However, I think I have FINALLY outgrown this. I don’t need to live every day in an environment of chaos and anger. My body can’t take being tense for seven continuous hours as I wait for the next kid to throw a chair and break a window with their fist. I am tired of being abused verbally on the hour. I am worth more. I am eager to use my talents to do great things with students who will truly benefit from my contribution. I am ready now for that to happen.
It might take me a while to find my new life. I will. At least, I have started looking. It is time. HALLALUEAH!

Hey, if any of you come across any art
teaching positions leads, drop me an email!
Thanks in advance!


Linda Fleming said...

How exciting for you! I wish you the best of luck in this new stage of your life. I don't comment often but always read your blog. I think you are an amazing woman who has lived a very interesting life. I look forward to reading about your new adventures.

Sheree Rensel said...

I cannot thank you enough for this lovely comment! I was at school today when I checked my email. I am trying very hard to get accustomed to the idea of not being there next year. When I read your comment, it made my day.
I know it will not be easy and there will be moments of discomfort, but I am determined to make changes. I can't wait to see what happens next!
Thank you so much for reading and thanks for sharing your kind words!

gilda said...

WOW, what a post....the trigger must have been fierce, to bring you to this conclusion. But I am not worried, I know you will make the changes and write the next chapter!

Sheree Rensel said...

Ha!! Oh Gilda. That is why I have loved you for 30 years. LOL LOL 30? HUH???
It was quite a revelation. It was the cuminating moment. Even though I am spit pissed angry over the event, I kind of think I will owe the individual a debt of gratitude in a year or two. Who would have thought. I really believe there will be a moment in a couple of years when I write the individual an email thanking him for being such an asshole and helping me to get off my own butt to create change.

We are so in tuned. I thought that too. It is just another chapter in the book of my "Sheree Art Life". You are so right. Gosh, it makes so much sense now.
Lovey Dovey to you!!!!