Sunday, July 6, 2008

Art Blog: What a day!

Anybody who suffers from “moodiness” will understand this post. For whatever reason, I woke up in a crappy mood. Before I put my foot on the floor, I laid there frowning at the ceiling. I wondered “What is this about?” All it takes is one thing (or two or three or a zillion). Those little thoughts that irritate your mind like a wool shirt on a hot day. It is just unbelievably uncomfortable. Make it stop!
I am old enough to know all this is a mirage. It is about my brain. I started to do inventory. I once had a therapist who would start every session with “So Sheree, what happened?” I don’t have a therapist now, so I have to ask myself this question.
First, the circuit breaker for my computer room blew out twice last night. That scares the crap out of me. I always think my house is going to blow up in ball of fire that could rival that of an apocalyptic, movie special effects scene. I got my little step stool and reset the breaker. Twice. Also, I started unplugging some of this stuff around here. 1950’s house developers didn’t anticipate the electronic boom of the 21st century.
I went to bed expecting to be found barbecued. However, I did wake up raw.
So I got up in a pissy mood. I got out of bed and walked into my studio. Looked at the work in progress and felt like spitting. “These treasure maps SUCK!!” (I know better. Yes, they suck. They aren’t finished. I always hate work that isn’t finished! DUH!!) No matter. Then, I read emails after feeding the dog. I got a couple of very nondescript, bland comments on my latest video. This made me feel useless. Gilda sent me a link for a formerly famous artist being featured in an upcoming HBO documentary. I don’t want to mention his name because he is a jerk. However after looking at his work, my mood got worse. His paintings are wonderful! I thought “I am such a shitty artist.” About that same moment, my TV in my computer room buzzed and blinked off. It was making this click-click-click noise. I thought oh just “WONDERFUL”! I played around with it for a while, and then dragged it out to the trash. It was too old. Immediately, I got dressed and went and bought a new, modern TV. (Score one for keeping my teaching job. Credit cards rule.)
So here I sit. I am still mad at the world. Why? Who knows? It could be far worse. I realize this. However, that realization adds to the misery. You feel ashamed you feel bad because there are so many things for which to be happy. Arrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! SNAP OUT OF IT!!

“Perspectival Response” by Sheree Rensel

This is one of my early drawings that reminds me perspectives of thought are always the issue. For me, this is totally true. “The sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow……..”


self taught artist said...

i just have to smile because i experience those feelings too ~ they always seem to hit the day after you are flying high which seems totally unfair.
glad you woke up raw and not barbecued :)

Sheree Rensel said...

Paula! Isn't that the truth! I have been giddy and riding high all week long. Then without notice, I crashed today. It is so weird and disturbing. Notice I didn't say uncommon. I have gone through this so many times it could make my toes curl. I know my mindset will change again, but while I am waiting, it sucks!!
BTW. I have been looking at your current work. GIRL!!! Strong, strong stuff!!!! Good for you!

gilda said...

Wow it used to be that when I felt like that it was because the ol' hormones were raging. Well, I don't have to worry about THAT any more, so why do I still feel that way???

Sheree I SO identified with this post. I get those moods, usually in the morning, and since I still live with 2 people, they unfortunately bear the brunt of my personality surges. I am not loud or mean, I just get quiet, frowny, and distant. They know now to avoid me when I am like that. I am not proud of it, but at least I dont break windows like my mom used to do.

I spent all day in my studio trying to finish a big painting that some folks are going to view tomarrow. My rages boiled up at them, while I was painting....anticipating them not liking the work, not wanting to pay me what it is worth, not doing anything that I liked. I began to identify, in my mind, with that artist I sent you, Sheree-----and when I sat down to take a break and realized that, well, I had to snap out of it!

I have come to the conclusion that this is the pattern from now on! I can make friends with it, or I can fight it. What to do......

Sheree Rensel said...

"Make friends with it."
That is exactly right. For me (and you) it is just a part of life. We have to deal with it.
I am happy to report to some of the younger readers, the "change" can be harmless. I too have no extra hormonal ramifications. I don't have hot sweats or flashes. I can't even blame hormones for moods similar to those I wrote about today. I have had those ALL MY LIFE!!
Gild, you just gotta take a little time out. That is what I am doing today. I am eating what I want and watching TV. I know for sure everything will be just ducky with time. It always is. Tick tick tick tick LOL LOL