Thursday, August 28, 2008

Art Blog: ART Anger????

After I wrote my post yesterday, I forgot it about it immediately. It wasn’t until this morning when I got the Google alert, I was reminded of my typing frenzy. I am not sure I know where all this angst comes from. Obviously, I am very frustrated. Even when I walk into my studio, I look around and want to growl. What on earth is going on here???? I am not sure why I am in a “mood” about my art. All I know is it doesn’t feel good and I guess, yesterday’s post was just for venting purposes.
Art is really my life. However, life doesn’t always go the way you want it to go. I think I regret thinking about and examining my career. Until a year or two ago, I just made my art, entered shows, sent my work out, and then made more work. The cycle just continued unquestioned. Recently after too much soul searching and intellectualizing (huge mistake!!!), I see some of the idiocy of the process. I mean who in their right mind would continually spend oodles of money on art supplies, shipping, show entry fees, and all the rest and get no return at all. I mean AT ALL (except for self satisfaction, of course). Who would do that?
OK. OK.
So Sheree “Watcha gonna do now??????”
In a convoluted way, I relate this to something I told someone who wrote me via my fitness blog. She told me her sad story about how it was impossible for her to lose weight and get fit. She had every excuse in the book. She had tried every diet. She had tried to exercise. She had TRIED yadda, yadda, yadda, siss boom ba!!! Well, when it comes to fitness, I am less emotional and far more rational. The key word for me is she said “I tried.” As far as I am concerned you don’t TRY to lose weight, you DO IT. So I told her to just forget it. I told her to eat whatever she wants. Never, ever exercise! I told her to just give it up because what was the point? I told her to never worry about it again because she has determined it is IMPOSSIBLE. Just hearing those words would be such a relief. She has been liberated!!! Of course, I said all this tongue-in-cheek. I just thought if I told her to just let it go and give it up, the pressure would be off or she would try to prove me wrong. Either way, the reality of the situation would start to sink in for her.
This is the way I feel about my art tantrums lately. God knows I am not an enabler. I am a brass tacks kind of girl. I want to tell myself “Sheree, if you don’t like it, don’t do it!!!” In other words, nobody said I have to make art. This is my choice. So, I guess I am telling myself to “SHUT UP”.
Live with it or without it.
It is what it is.


It is OK to be angry. It is OK to be frustrated.
However, there comes a time you have to make a decision.
If you want to be an artist, you have to take the lumps.
This is the truth.

4 comments:

Gayle said...

I can relate to your rantings. And I want to thank you for the link on your site to the Artistic Failure blog. I posted a piece from that link which might relate to your feelings (and mine)--in a somewhat crude manner :-)

dryadart said...

What I love about your site is how open you are, about everything being a creative person in this world entails, these are the emotions I warn my students about, but they don't believe exist....

Sheree Rensel said...

Gayle,
ANYTHING, I can do to help you or connect you is great news. I think expressing our feelings and thoughts is just another form of creativity and reality. Go for it!

Sheree Rensel said...

Dry,
I know I am candid. I just say what is on my mind (maybe to my detriment)! However, I don't blame students for not understanding. There are plenty of adults who don't get it either. Life has not been rainbows and butterflies for me. For those who think that is what artists should express, I wish them well. Also, I am jealous. I must have stood in the wrong line. I guess I missed the "EASY, HAPPY, BUTTERFLIES, RAINBOWS, SUN SHINY LIFE" sign when I was born.
It is all good though. I don't regret I missed that at all. I just say what I think and have experienced. If others don't agree or don't understand, that is OK too. As far as students are concerned, time will tell. They will have to live for decades in order to contradict my impressions.
Sheree