Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Art Blog: Free Fall

“Leap and the net will appear.”
Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way

I am one HOT MESS! Waiting for my new life to arrive is very frustrating. I can feel myself vibrating with too much nervous energy. Oh, joy! Panic attack city! I have been there too many times before. After having a sad day at work yesterday, I woke up this morning and EVERYTHING hurt. Remember when you were little and didn’t want to go to school. You would start explaining symptoms: “My throat hurts; I have a stomach ache; my eyes burn; my hands are shaking! I am going to throw up!! Etc. etc.” Well, I am the mom now. I told myself to stay home. While I mended and licked my wounds, I continued to look for a more appropriate, challenging form of employment.

I have to get my act together! One positive thing is I won’t actually have a meltdown. Nowadays, when I feel what I feel right now, my alter ego “DEE-troit Sheree” arrives and slaps the crap out of me! She wails on me while yelling “Get it together woman!! I am not going to let you do this to yourself! SNAP OUT OF IT!

It is so clear to me what is going on in my head. I am in a state of limbo. I am “trying” to change my life, but I am getting tired of waiting for things to change. Yet there is a Catch-22. I am so busy with work and so anxiety ridden over the idea of change; I am having a hard time moving forward. I am paralyzed with FEAR.
“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” Ok, DEE-troit Sheree. I hear you. You don’t have to yell! I will stop it. As I take this little time out, I will make a list. It will be my “Take Action List”. Maybe if I have the steps I need to take on paper, it will lead the way. Also, it will take my mind off the status quo. OK. This is a start. OK. I will do that.

“Hey Sheree”.
“What DEE-troit Sheree? Why are you whispering?”
Dee-troit Sheree leans in close to my ear and in a soft voice she says:
“You know you are going to be just fine. Things are changing right now. You might not see it, but I do. Just calm down, be patient, and move along. Besides, you know for sure, I am here to catch you!”

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