Sunday, June 14, 2009

Art Blog: NUMBING Down

We all do it to one degree or another. We numb ourselves with food, drink, drugs, TV, computers, sex, etc. etc. I am an equal opportunity numer. I can space out easily and often. I eat too much. I drink too much. I watch too much TV. I am on the computer way too much. Luckily all these mind numbing activities don’t occur all at the same time or I would be a blithering idiot by now. Lately, I have been ultra aware of these destructive behaviors. I can actually hear the clock ticking in my brain and see clearly the damage it does to my being. This has to stop.

This week has been an emotional humdinger. As reported my boss (principal) was fired. This shook my world literally. I loved this person. I am so sad for her. Also, I hate change and hate working for new bosses even more. This is why it made me so crazy. In fact, I can’t even remember last Monday or Tuesday. I totally vegged out and created a self induced state of temporary insanity. By Wednesday, I started licking my wounds. I did tend to numb down during any given hour, but at least I went about living. By Thursday, I became philosophical. Things will be fine. I got back to my art life.

The end of the week came and I was doing well. I was busy working on my art and starting to feel whole again. I actually felt some optimism. Yesterday morning while working in my studio, I got a call from a colleague. She told me Friday “they” canned our assistant principal too! HOLY MACARONI! I am not going to miss this person. However, I am not looking forward to an entirely new administrative regime. As she spoke to me on the phone, I felt like I was being drenched in buckets of ice water.

Shortly after that, I left my studio. NUMBING DOWN time emerged. I ate, drank, and televisioned myself into oblivion. Luckily, I didn’t do too much damage. I managed to get up and move this morning. However, I sat in front of the computer for three straight hours accomplishing nothing but wasting time and brain cells. I am going to post this blog entry and go to my studio. I have to get to work and snap out of this daze. I know better than this. I am too old and wise. I know that numbing down accomplishes nothing because when you do snap out of it, reality is still there staring you in the face.
Off to the studio!

Meanwhile, I am wondering how I have been an artist so long and never used an electric miter saw. Can you believe this lame set up? I struggle cutting wood all the time. I always use hand saws. Is this old school or what? Why I torture myself is beyond me.
Note to self: GO AND BUY A MITER SAW! Old dogs can learn new tricks. Stop this madness Sheree. Geesh! It is 2009. We have electricity now! LOL


fit2btried said...

Sheree - I can so related to the resistance to change and how crazy is it, that, as the expression goes... the only thing certain in life IS change.

I have a degree as a numer :) So many years of food and tv numbing myself.

Working out has helped me snap out of it to a degree, although I know I must always fight being a numskull!

Great blog :) said...

I too find change hard and sometimes when I look back realise I have 'footstamped' at change then retreated into embarrassed nothingness! I am so glad to have learned that I do though so that I can stop myself a bit and more and more I throw myself at changes I am scared of with that question 'will it hurt me?' NO do it then!

Ha ha other times i just run away and numb down.

Another Sheree insight, thanks

Did you read my blog of yesterday?

Artwards and onwards- Carla

Eva said...

Look on the positive! Sometimes it is NOT numbing out - it is taking in. I love wine. I used to love pot. It's not all terrible. Some of it is just to enjoy. Whenever I go to Europe, I am reminded of this. They seem to have a very good relationship with many of the things which can (but don't have to) numb us out.

Kathy Hodge said...

I've been thinking a lot lately of mind-numbing. I fill my head with so much trivial information from the web, magazines, newspapers, radio. Luckily I don't watch TV (my TV won't even work now in HD), but I don't seem to ever just sit and think, or even better, walk and think! Information is good, but we all need time to process what we take in. I'm going to try to do that by editing the information I come across, only taking in what is relevant to me at this time. Too much information is no information.

And get a miter saw, you'll love it! It was one of the best purchases I ever made. It eliminated major frustration.

namastenancy said...

I do the same thing - eat too much, play dumb games on the computer and avoid the issue that's really bothering me like the proverbial sore tooth. But don't be so hard on yourself! The old adage "Be a man" is Soooooo overrated! What does it mean? That you don't feel, and feel deeply the loss of supportive and sympathetic people at your job? You've got every right to be upset - these are hard times and I'll bet that you are fearful that the next wave of layoofs will include you. That's absolutely normal. So, eat that...whatever you want, watch that TV and know that, because you get back to your art making, that you are a lot more emotionally healthy that about 99% of the people out there.

deb said...

sometimes we are so on the same wavelength it is weird, just tonight I was standing at my kitchen counter eating cheez-its, which I don't even particularly like and saying to myself, you have to stop stuffing your feelings down your throat and get to work woman... sadly I stood and ate some more crackers, then read for a bit before deciding to read blogs instead. and BTW you'll never regret buying that miter saw! I love mine!!!

Sheree Rensel said...

Fit, You are correct. Change will always be a part of life. Working out does help me too. I struggle with getting the same feeling of contentment with exercising. I am hoping I can feel that way someday.
Thanks for stopping by!

Sheree Rensel said...

Naughty, I think I get frustrated because I know this kind of behavior isn't good for me, but I keep doing it. DUH!!! I am going to go read your blog now.

Sheree Rensel said...

Eva, Oh I didn't mean that numbing out is always bad. However just like everything else, you should do it in moderation. I don't. When I get in the numb zone, it can go on for days. That part isn't good.

Sheree Rensel said...

Kathy, YES! Trivia information and too much stimulus is a huge problem for me. I see the cycle. I overindulge on the computer or TV and I get overwhelmed. It becomes a vicious cycle because when this happens, I want to numb THAT out too.

Oh, I am buying a miter saw tomorrow.

Sheree Rensel said...

Nancy, One thing I am happy for is that I don't like certain things. For example, I am thankful I don't like any kind of games (computer or not). If I did, I would probably spend hours doing that! LOL

I don't feel bad about feeling bad about all the job crap happening. I know I have every right to be pissed and sad. That isn't an issue for me. The only part of this that is a problem is that I let those feelings go on and on. That part is stupid.

Sheree Rensel said...

Deb, Oh I know. I have done that many, many times. I just eat myself into oblivion for no other reason than boredom and frustration. Sometimes, I even ask myself why I am doing it as I shove more crap in my mouth! LOL

I am going to buy a new saw tomorrow. Hooray!!