Thursday, October 15, 2009

Art Blog: IT NEVER GOES AWAY

Damn it!!! Damn! Damn! Damn!! It never goes away. I will be the first to report; I have not been the same person since August 10, 2009. I lost my Gizmo that day. Of course it was traumatic, but oh geesh, I never realized how it would have such a terrible effect on me. Besides experiencing major depression, I don’t even want to make art because I am so lonely in my studio. This is not good! I know. I have written about this before. It might seem so weird to some of you. It was a frigin dog!! However, you have to walk in my shoes.

I live alone. Gizmo was my only pal. We were together all the time. We did things together. We ate together. We watched TV together. We worked in the studio together. He was my sidekick. It just never occurred to me he wouldn’t be here forever. Seriously, I guess that was just not a thought I could comprehend. My bad.

Well, he has been gone months now. I went through what I thought was a mourning period and began to look for a new dog. I have had one bad experience after another. I started to look for another Yorkie. That isn’t going to happen though. Every Yorkie I see reminds me of my Gizmo. So I decided to get a “blond” Cairn terrier”. This aspiration has turned out to be a dismal experience. This particular dog breed isn’t hard to find, but finding a cream to wheaten colored Cairn is a bit more difficult. I have been smoozed, hassled, insulted, and lied to by rescue shelters and breeders. I am almost out of energy now and my depression is getting more intense.

All I know is I have to find a new dog soon. I want a dog to name “Little Lu Lu”. I know she is out there somewhere. I can see her now. She has blond, spiky hair. She has short legs and a stocky little body. She is just like me. I just have to find her. I know I will eventually, but the waiting is killing me.



Click pic to see Gizmo the studio dog!!!

Like I say in one of the photo captions: “Oh my Gizmo! You were my "studio doggie" for almost 13 years! You are in art heaven now. I love you and miss you so much. I know you are looking down on me. Help me find a new doggie. I don't want to replace you.
I want to have another studio dog to make you proud!"

6 comments:

Terry (kettlebellguy.com) said...

Sheree,

First I want to validate your feelings of loss. You have lost a family member and a best friend. It will take a long time.

The one thing the comes to my mind as I read your blog is the idea to look at this a different way. You have focused for a while on finding a new dog and I can tell it has been stressful. Maybe you should just set back for a bit, make yourself available and be ready for your new dog to find you. As you said, you know she is out there, she just has not got to your house yet.

You know how it goes. When we stop looking so hard for something we often find it right under our nose.

Stay strong,

Terry

Sheree Rensel said...

Terry,
We are kindred spirits. I have always hung on your every word. I have thought the exact ssme things you have always said. I have already done what you suggest. I have been laying back and waiting. It isn't happening though. I am so sad Terry. I can't explain or emphasize my sadness. I am really at a loss. I am trying to be patient. It isn't working. I just stare into space. I don't want to do anything. All this is exacerbated by the fact my job has turned into a hell hole.
You know me well enough to know I am a fighter and an energetic person. I don't feel this way now. I feel so sad and alone. I hate my life right now. My Giz was my sounding board to make the world right. I miss Gizmo too much and a new buddy isn't coming. She needs to come soon. Very soon.

JafaBrit's Art said...

Oh sheree, my heart goes out to you. 13 years with a very special friend :(

May another special dog find you soon, and make Gizmo proud.

Anonymous said...

hi Sheree,

I just adopted 'bought' from a pet shop (my huge BAD) a teeny tiny kitten. the only reason i bought her was because she was way too young to be there and i needed to get her out pronto!

I called her 'Little LuLu'. lol

When i go to a shelter, i always take the one that needs it the most. i don't care if it's my dream dog or not. just to relieve the suffering.

I love your studio Sheree. And Gismo - one of my cats names - looks absolutely darling. I truely feel for you, i have had quite a few pets i have had to say goodbye too and it never gets easier. but, i have them cremated and that way they're always a little with me.

Sherrill, Montreal, Quebec

Sheree Rensel said...

LOL Sherrill!!
We must have like minds when it comes to pet names!!! I hope your "Little LuLu" turns out to be your little love. I am still looking and looking and looking for my "LULU". She will come soon, I hope!
:-)

Sheree Rensel said...

Jaf,
I miss you!!! I have been so delinquent in my blog reading duties. However, I know your realize a lot has been going on lately. I will get back to reading my daily blogs soon.
Lovey dovey doo!!!
:-)