Monday, August 2, 2010

Art Blog: Be Careful What You Wish For

This has been the strangest year and an even stranger summer. I have been diddlin away the time trying to figure out what is next for Sheree. I have done the work. I have collected data, researched, and have tons of documentation. I am ready for a change.

Finally the skies opened up. FINALLY. There was a job position open that I have yearned for the past (almost) twenty years. I thought to myself “Sheree, this is it. This is IT! The Universe is coming through for you right now!” I gathered my data, sent appropriate emails, I ironed my interview suit, I reviewed my accomplishments, and I went in there with a huge smile and enthusiasm fit for a clown on the opening night of the circus. I was ready and very willing to do whatever it took to get this job. I wanted it and wanted it bad.

I thought.

You see, when you have thoughts of what you want, they are partially dreams. Dreams aren’t real. They are an illusion. Despite accepting this rational, I forged on with bells attached. I was ready to ding dong ding! “Look at me and I promise I will be the best of the best just for you!”

I thought the interview went very well. However, there were all kinds of red flags aflying. I ignored them. I was into it. I didn’t want to pay attention to the down sides. I just wanted to make it work. I mean, this was the opportunity for change at all cost; any cost!

After the interview, I drove home a bit deflated. I knew I really didn’t want to go in this direction. However, I had already told a friend “This is either the opportunity I have always dreamed of or the Universe is sticking its tongue out at me right now waiting to say “Gottcha!!!!”.

The night after the interview, I had multiple nightmares about this potential job. I actually woke up in cold sweats. However, EGO came into play. At that point, I wanted the job for two reasons. It would offer me a new experience and I could say I got the job (even though I didn't want the job, but EGO is a powerful thing!) That next morning I wrote a thank you email despite sending a handmade thank you card snail mail. At that point, I was into doing the right thing. Even though my authentic self was screaming at me “NO NO NO Sheree! NO!!!!” I thought “I am into it now, so I have to just go full tilt.” After sending that last email, I sat and waited. What will be will be.

The next morning I woke up and took the dog outside. I came back in and logged on to my email. I got a response: “I have decided to recommend another candidate for the position.” My first reaction as I looked at those words was “WHAT????????????????”. However less than 5 seconds later, I thought “Thank God!!”

No the Universe didn’t play a trick on me at all. It allowed me to hear and experience the realities of my dream job. It showed me in full color that this is not a job I want at all. This isn’t even the direction I should be looking. Just like always, the Universe has taken care of me. It reminded me that I should just have faith and things will always work out. It always does and always will. In the meantime, I wish the candidate hired lots of luck and I hope they love the job. I hope it is just right for them!

“Found Faith”
Sheree Rensel
Click on pic for detail view

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh Shereeeee I know exactly what you mean.

I have done the same thing.
Peace, Deb