Wednesday, November 10, 2010

An Artist’s Flaw

Some of you will understand this. Some of you will not. Either way, I am just putting it out there because I have thought about this for decades. Artists are not perfect. They have so many great attributes. Yet, sometimes things go awry. We can act and feel differently at times. We are unique. This is not a good or bad thing. It just IS.

One thing that has concerned me about my artist’s life is how relationships have been so hard or non-existent. I just thought I was defective. Seriously, my entire life I haven’t cared if I had relationships or had close bonds. If other people appeared in my life, it was just an ancillary thing. They are there, they will go away soon. Relationships have never been important to me. As long as I was alone with me and my art, I was fine. I know. I know. This sounds so sad and terrible. However, I am telling the truth.

I have held the guilt of my miserable, antisocial attitude for years. However, I have been enlightened and realized this is not something unique to Sheree Rensel the artist. As I watch Alice Neel videos, she mentions being this way too. She speaks on issues of relationships with men and even the fact she was more interested in her art than her children. How could she say that???????? I know some of you are probably shocked and appalled. I am not. I get it.

Then I watched a Philip Glass bio video. It was so sad that he and his wife had to split. The wife explained that Mr. Glass is just too focused on his work. It seems he loved having a family, but he didn’t spend enough time to nurture and help his family grow to be strong. He was too busy making his art. I get this too. I didn't think he was a bad guy at all. I think his circumstance is sad, but I understand the dilemma. I really do get this.

It isn’t that certain people (artists) are heartless or self centered. It is just some of us are so focused on what we do and want to accomplish, everything and everybody becomes invisible. It is a drive that is almost unexplainable unless you feel it yourself.

I do and I apologize to all those in my life that I have ignored. I can’t help it. This is just the way I am.

Sometimes artist’s brains are on eternal FOCUS.

We can’t help that.


Eva said...

Me too. Thanks for this

Sheree Rensel said...

Seriously. I have thought about this for decades and now I have come to the realization, it is OK. I shouldn't be judged by others or judge myself because I am this way. It seems so awful according to societal standards. How dare I not care if I ever have grandchildren or mention I don't really want them. Even when I was young, a family of kids was just not my idea of fun. Am I a BAD woman?

NO. I am just an artist with other things that are more important to do than dote on babies. I don't like babies. OMG!! I said it. LOL LOL LOL

Also, I don't like being in long term relationships with men either. It is just too much trouble. I am too busy for all that. I guess this explains why I have been single most of my life.

So for those that think this is so anti-social, anti-American, or anti-female, that is YOUR problem, not mine.

Wow. Thanks. I feel better now.

Chaos Clews said...

Thanks for being courageous--although obviously this is no flaw, just preference which is wonderful to see not everyone in world is a conformist!

I myself have an inclination towards collaborations--although they never seem to quite work! But something about how I tick or express myself that needs a bit more feedback--give and take, sounding board--whatever you call it. So I tend to like to have a fellow creative person as a romantic partner, or else no relationship at all.

It's also been main reason not interested in having children--although being around kids sparks my creativity, I think it might be too much to handle my own AND simultaneously be birthing creations too. Creativity seems symbolically like having children metaphorically (sacral chakra if you're into that stuff)--bringing something into tangible form into the world.

Oh I remember when I was young people would ask me what age was I getting married, and how many kids. I hated the question. I made something up that seemed way way off to a child, like 29 years old.

Thanks for being true!

Anonymous said...

Sheree you speak from the heart. Wasn't it Mr. Rogers who always said "I like you just the way you are"

Sheree Rensel said...

TRUE is all I know.
Thanks so much for your feedback!!

Sheree Rensel said...

It goes both ways. I like YOU just the way you are too!!