Monday, March 28, 2011
Art Blog: DEVOTION
If you were brought up Catholic, you are always Catholic. All the dogma is drilled into every cell of your body. Your personality and conscientiousness takes on that moral character whether you like it or not. It never goes away either. To this day as I flip through TV channels, if I come across a station airing the Dominican nuns reciting the rosary, I pause and watch. It is like a deer in the headlights. “Hail Mary, full of grace………yadda yadda yadda………over and over and over again. I can’t help it. It is part of my blood.
You know I believe it is a Yin/Yang world. There are positives and negatives for everything. There is nothing wrong when I watch the nuns and analyze their black and white habits, their clean faces, and their zombie stares. There is some kind of weird comfort that vision gives me. However, the other side of the Catholic coin reveals haunting paranoia and what I call “worryism”.
Today as I drove back from my studio, it started to rain. The first thing I thought of is the “BOOK”! I have been working on the school yearbook and even though I backed it up via external hard drive, I started having all kinds of weird and bizarre thoughts. PARANOIA reared its ugly head. I started the “What if” thing. What if my house burned down and all my computer files were destroyed? What if all the work I did this weekend couldn’t be recovered? What if I had to start all over again? What if my computer AND my external hard drive got fried? What if…What if….WHAT IF???? BOO if you are reading this, I know I should read my PRONOIA book right now!! LOL LOL
Did you notice how my imagined catastrophe didn’t cause me to worry about my own stuff? I didn’t worry about my own house or my possessions. I worried about a little school yearbook file. That is how devoted I am to my causes. Sometimes, I wonder about myself. Why do you care so much Sheree? I don’t really know. All I do know is I cared enough to get home and burn a bunch more back up CDs to save all the yearbook files. So now, it will be OK. At least I have these. I am going out and put them in my car, now. I have to do this just in case a jet hits my house. You just never know!
There is only one other thing besides my day job to which I am this devoted. It is the process of making my ART. Nothing else matters to me as long as I can make art. I don’t care if other people don’t care. I care about my art. I care about things that are important to me. Those things might be small and insignificant to some, but they mean the world to me.
I know this is crazy, but I am Catholic. LOL LOL
So now I light a candle and pray to the Universe. I will chant like a nun “Hail Mary full of grace………..” Let all this “book” stuff be over soon and let it all turn out right. I know it will, but my paranoia is bothering me. Oh yes….Take that away too!