Monday, June 27, 2011

Art Blog: The Thin Line

I have been thinking about this blog post for the past week. I have been writing it in my head over and over again. My last post was about SURRENDER. At the time, I was thinking of letting go of some of the anxious thoughts swirling in my mind right now. In that same post, I wrote:
“Years ago, I made the decision to abide by at least one mantra:
“If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it!”

This quote is bothering me right now and ties into the thesis of this post. The question of the day is:
“What is the difference between surrendering and giving up?”
This question popped into my mind because in order to calm my thoughts and fears this week, I would say to myself “just surrender”. I am trying to teach myself to relax and give up so much of my time I waste on worries. Yet ironically, I realized this frenetic anxiety is the kinetic energy that has gotten me to this point. Generally, my life is really good. Art wise, I am going great guns right now. However, there are some unmentionable life circumstances that need to change. This is the source of the crazy voices in my head.

I do want to surrender to this nervosity and feelings of panic whenever I try to think of solutions to make my life happier. However, I will admit there is a thin line between surrendering and giving up completely. I still have to be on top of things and make things happen. I just have to figure out a way to do this without the anguish and stress. So my solution is to decree that I will not think about any of this stuff until mid-July. It is my major art time now. I don’t want to ruin it. I will allow myself to start to worry again July 18th. At that time, I will give myself specific hours or days to work on all the stuff that is causing me tension and torment. I have to laugh. I am making myself sound like a cliché: the mentally tortured artist. I am not tortured or a cliché. I am just trying to figure out art life stuff. I bet a lot of you try to do the same things.

In the meantime, I want to share one of my newest pieces. I have finished about 8 paintings in the past month and a half. I think that is a record for me. I am a pokey puppy painter most of the time. I am not surprised by this current zeal. Despite all my fear about the future, I have a huge case of ART FEVER!

"I always said I would die before I went to rehab."
Acrylic / Mixed Media on Canvas
Sheree Rensel

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