Monday, December 26, 2011


I was reminded today of a very important phenomenon. At one time I was FEARLESS. Yes, I was younger then. I had this fierce hunger of WANTING. If I wanted something, nothing would stop me. I would do everything I could to get it. I am still like that, but there is a difference. I think too much now.

I am not sure if it is age, experience, or life wisdom that is making me more cautious. I am analyzing this now. This post started writing itself a few days ago. I was looking at my “jobs” file and noticed I still hadn’t applied to a somewhat local college for a adjunct studio art position. I put it off because it was across the bay and it would take me an hour to drive to my job. That isn’t an optimal situation, but then I remembered the old days. OMG!! I was so hungry and eager back then, I would have driven 100 miles to work if I could teach college level. In fact, I did exactly that. I was teaching at two colleges and an art center all at the same time. As schedules fall, I was in a predicament. On Wednesdays, I had to work all three jobs on the same day and had to drive 100+ miles round trip to hit them all on any given Wednesday. I did it too. I was that driven (pun intended).

I think too much now. I have gotten into the habit of too much time to weigh out everything. I analyze, poke, and prod all the good and bad of every situation. Having the same job for over a decade has nurtured a lame kind of agoraphobia. I feel safe in my little art cave going to my little art job which I hate. It is time for change, big time. Back then, I WANTED it. I wanted it bad. I would do whatever it took for change to happen. It worked too.

I was reminded of this today. I sent out an art exhibition entry form. I entered works from my “Treasure Map” series. Ironically, these paintings are about the exact thing for which I speak now. They are about the times in our lives. They are about the ways we change and see things in new ways. They are about the times and places in which we find ourselves. After sending the entry off, I started thinking about being so cautious and careful. I don’t like being afraid. When I was younger I was fearless and nothing stopped me. I want some of that moxie back. BTW I applied for the adjunct job.
I will just have to get new tires for my car.

“Ice Road”
Acrylic on Canvas
24” x 36”
Sheree Rensel
Click pic for detail view

1 comment:

namastenancy said...

I love the idea of a "Treasure Map" series. I have always been fascinated by work that uses maps in some way. I've "thought" about making work myself but, like you, have over thought it and stopped myself from proceeding. I love what you are sharing here. It's so powerful and passionate. We all need encouragement to be more fearless. Here's hoping that your fearless adventure ends well. There is a saying from Julian of Norwich that I love..."All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well. " May all manner of the "things of Sheree" be well.