Friday, March 2, 2012

Art Blog: HAPPY is good!

Are you one of those people who don’t trust happiness? Are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop? If so, welcome to my world! I have had this totally bizarre and kind of uncomfortable feeling of joy in the past few days. It is wonderful, but I don’t trust it. In fact yesterday I thought “Gee, I feel so good right now, maybe I am getting sick(?) LOL LOL” It really isn’t funny. However, that is my quirky sense of humor taking hold.

I have been literally talking aloud to myself for the past 24 hours. It is just fine to feel happy. This is normal. This is fantastic. This is healthy! Yet, there is still a part of me full of distrust. Feeling happy is almost foreign to me. This is sad, but true. I have taken too long to connect to any kind of life joy. I admit some of this is my fault. Have you ever done this? Is it your fault?

The new configuration of my art life took off six weeks ago. The first 5 and ½ weeks were devoted to just getting my mental and emotional crap together. After running the same routine for 18 years, it was a shocker when it ended. I can actually sleep until 7AM now. Also, I can take time to think and plan art strategies. I can be introspective for the first time in decades. I can SEE things around me. I am just starting to notice silly daily occurances like the squirrels in my yard and the weeds growing. Yesterday I was outside and I saw a snake swivel through the grass and my dog LuLu started to chase it. She never caught it, but she stayed outside for an hour trying. I let her do this with a smile. Even she realizes our lives are in transition. We are both experiencing a new start.

A miracle has not happened. I still worry about finances and the $$$$ it takes to support my art life. However, I am going to do things differently now. It is going to be just fine because I am going to figure a way to work it out. I know this to be true. I can feel it in my heart and in my gut. This feeling is strong because I have lived through enough life to know and trust my own judgment and decisions. Now, I just have to LEARN and remember,
it is OK to be happy.

Life is blooming right now in my own backyard.
It always has.
The difference now is I am just starting to notice it.

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