Monday, April 23, 2012

Art Blog: HONESTY is the best policy?

I put this photo of some art I made in the past online today to accompany a Facebook post. After it loaded, I just sat there and looked at it. It was like looking at a photo of an old boyfriend. I remember when............... As I stared at this painting I realized what a liar I have become. I have been trying so hard to fit in and/or get some kind of response from any art community, I have lost myself. When I looked at this little collage, I thought "This is the real me. This is Sheree's real art." I stopped doing it because it was not popular. It did not sell. So goes the story of my life.

In the past year, I have tried so hard to fit into some kind of bizarre mold of my mind. I have tried to be a part of this or that "scene". I have tried to support others in hopes they would reciprocate. That didn't happen. In fact, I am basically in the same place I was a year or two ago. Oh, I have had things happen in my art life, but none of it had to do with my plan to try to fit into the local scene. I am still pretty much ignored here. Am I being too honest? Yes, probably so. Also, I have been trying so hard to be airy, fairy, Universal spirited. Let things just happen. Live in the moment. Be your authentic self. Well, I can't really be my true self. That gets me into too much trouble. I am too outspoken. I can't stand biting my tongue all the time. I am doing these bizarre art projects that have nothing to do with my real aesthetic. In other words, my big plan is a big flop.

I will be honest now. I am spitting a huge glob into the wind. My feelings have been hurt. I really wanted some acceptance for my art life in the past year. I was hoping to make friends and be invited into shows. I even tried to do work that could be appropriate and fit into the status quo art scene. This plan didn't work and I feel kind of foolish. I need to get back on track. My OWN track. I remember once seeing a video with Janet Fish and she was talking about her own art. She told of how she realized the art market preferred to collect male artist's work. She went on to say, when she realized this, she decided to make whatever she wanted. She had nothing to lose. I understand her point. I am not of her NY stature, but I understand the underlying logic.

I have nothing to lose either. For as much attention or appreciation I have received in the past year, I might as well make sculptures out of cockroach dung. I mean really. The skies have opened and I am free to do what I want. Why not. If nobody else cares, at least I can. I think a lockdown, painting marathon is in order. I bet I will create a bunch of art nobody cares about too. Nobody except me and that is all good.

I am just being honest.


Mary Claire said...

For the record, I think you are doing a fantastic job and I love your artwork including the piece here.
I also appreciate your honesty and sunny disposition!

Erika Allison said...

Sheree - I REALLY like this piece! I think it's my favorite - for whatever that is worth!

Sheree Rensel said...

Marie Claire,
I truly appreciate all your continual kind words and support. I find it funny that you mentioned my "sunny disposition" because I didn't feel so sunny when I wrote this. However, that is my honesty coming out once again. LOL LOL

Sheree Rensel said...

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Your favorite? Gee, I almost took it offline last night after posting it. I don't want to get into it here, but so many bizarre things happened yesterday. They relate to our recent conversation. It all finally bubbled to the surface.
I am going to make some changes (again).
One thing really great about this blog post is it made me learn something about myself and the direction I want to go. Also, I know now that I can't keep "fishing" in a lake with no fish. I am wasting a whole lot of time reaching for some kind of nebulous brass ring. I just realized I don't have to reach at all because I have the true ring right here in my pocket.
Thank you so much for being so supportive and a TRUE friend.