Sunday, July 29, 2012

Art Blog: Remembering LOVE

I just got it! I mean the revelation hit me today. If you have followed me here, you know this is a blog about the emotionality of being an artist and a human being on this earth. I have been involved in a six month hell hole whirlwind of indecision and frustration. Thank goodness I have survived. I am well aware that I have been treading water and came up for breaths many times. There is a part of me that had faith, but there was another part that wanted to curse the Gods. I felt I deserved more and better.

I have nothing to really complain about at all. I mean, it could be a whole lot worse. I have a home. I eat well. I have enough art supplies to last for years. Even my library could keep me busy reading new books until I die. Yet, I still felt jilted. Am I spoiled? Why do I have such anger right now? I guess it is because I was given such a blessing and it is now gone. Back in 1993, I was thrust into a work position that was totally unexpected or desired. The job of teaching underprivileged , emotionally disturbed children came across my path and before I knew it, I was supposed to do this job. Oh. OK. whatever. I learned fast that I used art to teach these kids about LOVE under the umbrella of art and expression.

I did that for almost two decades. At the beginning of this year, I had to leave. It just wasn't working. All my desire to work to create more love and compassion in the world was blockaded by our environment and societal systems. Our world, our society has placed barriers that prevent teachers and caregivers a chance to truly change the world. Our open arms have been handcuffed.

So I was out of a job and began wandering. Where will I go next? What will happen? Well, it seems I have a new landing place now. I will speak about the details at a later date. However, I see a common denominator. My new job has all kinds of job duties and requirements. However, the one thing I learned is that the main ingredient of the job is really being able to spread the love and give attention to those in need. Now, I get it. It is the same kind of job, it just has different people involved. I will be doing the same thing but in a different way. I am so excited about this because I have so much love to give. I am eager to hug those around me and let them know it will all work out. It will.
I know, because I have lived it.

This is all that really matters.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Art Blog: FAITH

In some ways I don't even want to talk about this. All the drama and emotion are just too new. Also, I haven't signed on the dotted line so to speak. After going through months of rejection, there is a paranoid part of me. It isn't real yet. Let me step back a bit. Yes, I am an artist. Yes, I do not make enough money as an artist to pay all my bills. Yes, I have always had a day job. Yes, for decades I had a day job that paid well. Yes, I walked away from that day job because I just couldn't take the daily stress, harassment, and abuse. I gave it all up because I deserve more. I am not talking about money. I am talking about physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional well being. I mean, if you have money it is great, but if you feel like you want to die, that is not a good thing at all. In fact, money becomes unimportant and senseless. You don't need money in heaven.

So....................I just quit my (once upon a time) great job. Some people I know were freaked out. How could you do this Sheree? Are you crazy? No. I am not crazy at all. I just know for sure I want to "Live to Work", NOT "Work to Live". In other words, I am such a worker bee and I LOVE working. However, I do not want to work in a place that makes me sad, anxious, hating life, or myself. It just isn't worth it to me. I don't care how much money or benefits are offered. I am worth more than that. I feel this in my soul.

So I just went on a six month adventure of trying to figure out what I should do. I hoped and prayed everyday it would all work out. I had faith because my whole life has to do with divine intervention. I knew in my heart everything would be fine. Yet, there were moments I questioned God. After a few months, I almost wanted to curse the heavens. I mean, I was ready but nothing was happening. Be patient Sheree, be patient. That became my mantra.

Well, I got word today I got a job. It is a PERFECT job for me. PERFECT. The way I found this job is so bizarre. I applied. I was interviewed. It seems I was hired. I am still a bit skeptical because all the background checks and yadda yadda yadda have to be finished. I really have nothing to worry about because I know I am good. Still, there is that litte feeling of insecurity. I know for sure my guardian angel is waiting for kudos. I can hear her yelling at me now. "SAY WHAT?? I got you this job and there are no thank yous???" Yes, there will be huge thanks and gratitude when I am on the job in a couple of weeks. In fact, I will be so happy I will freak the angels out with my yells and screams of over exuberance. :-)

Friday, July 20, 2012

Art Blog: True to YOURSELF?

OK, it is time to write. I took a little time off because I needed to get all my "eggs in a basket". I have been all over the place in every way. Rationally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, it is obvious I am going through an art life "passage". It is all good. I can go with that. In fact, I love challenge and turmoil. Since I am old enough to have a history of decades, I know how these bumps in the road can lead to great things (eventually).

I have been experimenting. I have been trying to find the answer to the artist lifestyle dilemma. I have never depended on art sales of any kind. I figured out a long time ago, that stress wasn't worth it. So, I have always had a day job to bring in bucks and made my art too. If it sold, great. If not, that was great too. I had my day job income.

Right now, I am between day jobs. I am having money troubles. So I really put the heat on and have been trying to cater to the "market". I have about five or six different kinds of art right now. Some are so esoteric and eclectic, it is likely they will never sell. Then, I have some newer stuff that is light, airy, and marketable. Most importantly, I am pricing it CHEAP. I just want to keep my head above water. I am slowly working towards doing outside shows (which I have never done or wanted to do.) Yet, I have to find some kind of middle ground.

At least, my "table work" is within the realm of my taste. I am not doing anything yet that feels like prostitution. I am just making what I make. I have my selling art and my REAL art. I don't want to go beyond this parameter. I know for sure I want to stay true to myself (money or not). Do you make art that isn't really YOURS just to sell or do you stick to your heart and create what is true to you?

This is in the probably will "never sell" category. It is part of my "Treasure Map" series. CLICK THE PIC to see a video about this series.
I will keep doing my own work regardless.
I have been an artist too long to cave into popular opinion.
My intuition is my truth.