OK. Here we go again. Obviously, something is NOT working for me. I hate to even type this, but I can't GIVE my current art away. No sales, very little response. All my efforts seem dead in the water. I am not all that concerned because I do what I do, what I do, what I do. Yet, there is still a part of me that is freaking out right now. Consequently, I have become more introspective than usual.
I have been thinking about my retrospective art life and art work. I feel like I got derailed at some point. I remember in my young, naive days, I would paint/draw/sculpt whatever I wanted. I was so free. Then, I started college. I learned things. I stopped being who I really wanted to be because I wanted to fit in and be pertinent to the times. I have to admit, whenever I strayed, I felt a little bit of heat from my colleagues and patrons. If it didn't fit my "pattern" at the time, my work was dissed, shunned, or simply ignored. I feel the same way now.
For example, I remember when I started drawing in graphite after years of using acrylic and building sculptures. These drawings went over like a lead balloon.
Years later after doing a one person show that dealt with Xerox photos with journal dialogue, I came up with this painting out to of the blue. I have never shown it in public. It is hanging in my living room. At night, I sit and look at it. There is the real "Sheree the Artist" in there somewhere.
As I continued working, my style developed into some kind of wacky, assemblage style, over colorful, painting / mixed media work. I am not saying it is bad. I did it. I like it for what it is, but there is just something missing or more likely fake about these pieces.
Yesterday I got an email from a wonderful friend. She owns a number of my works. She sent me a photo of a detail from an installation, "Relationship 915" I did in the '80s. It is quite bizarre because I have been trying to get back to my roots. I want to get back to basics. I even bought graphite and have been studying (again) how to work in the genre of realism.
Did you notice a common thread over all the years. There is something about birds as a symbol that keeps popping up regardless of my style. I know why that is. For years and years in my youth, I had a recurring dream of flying. This started when I was very young. I always wanted to be a bird. I remember waking up from those dreams and my stomach would jump the same way it does when you go on a roller coaster. I didn't want the dream to end. I am not saying I want to create bird paintings and drawings right now. However, it is time for changes.
I still do want to FLY.