Saturday, August 1, 2015

Art Blog: There are no SUPER HEROES.

I have never felt this way in my entire life. NEVER. I decided to quit my most recent job because they wanted me to do something I could not do. It was a matter of principle. I don't want to get into details, but I was so pulled and torn with my decision. I really didn't want to quit. However, it was a moot point. If I can't do something physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I just can't do it. The End.

So after giving my notice, I had to go pack up all my belongings and fill my SUV up with all my teaching props, gear, and toys. When I was in my art room, there was a little part of me that wished a Super Hero would rush in and tell me it would be OK. We fixed it! We want you to stay! I really thought that! Packing boxes in the darkened room, I kept thinking the warden would call and announce the reprieve. I will not get the death penalty after all! Yet as the hours passed and I kept packing, lifting, and loading, nobody came to say anything. I was all alone feeling kind of crappy, but a bit relieved all at the same time. I have always known there are no super heroes or super anything for that matter.

So now I have all my art teaching junk polluting my own art studio. One big pile of mess. It reminds me of my life right now. It is kind of a wreck. It is so funny because so many times in my life I have been told to concentrate more on my art. However, I am always in such fear because of money. My art is not "commerce qualified", so to speak. I don't want it to be either. If it sells it sells, if not, I have always had my paycheck. This sounds so cliché, but maybe now is the time to just "BE AN ARTIST". Maybe I should rely on my own super powers?

I can find simpler jobs to pay bills. I have always figured out a way to support myself and have done a very good job for five decades. Maybe I am weird for thinking this way, but it just has to be time for me now. Things will work out. I have no idea why I was thinking someone would run into the art room and rescue me. That is nonsense.

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY OWN SUPER HERO!

I have always been crazy like this.

3 comments:

Pat BURNS said...

Sheree you are indeed a superhero. A super hero is one who takes charge of her life and is brave and courageous about doing that. Good luck in your new life, you are very very talented and you will do just fine. I recently lost a dear dear friend, she thought she would have more time to spend in her beloved garden. She didn't. All the best. Pat

artbird said...

You aren't just "making a living, (you are) making a life," I'm paraphrasing wonderful, wise Dr. Maya Angeou. Hats off to you! :)

Sheree Rensel said...

Thank you so much Pat and artbird. I agree with both of you. Thank you!