Changes in day jobs, the death of a few friends, a series of art failures, etc. put me into a tailspin. Up until a few weeks ago, I was spinning so hard I heard the buzzing all around me. I have been down before. I have been really down. This time was different. The hole seemed too far down to climb out. I kept telling myself "Come on Sheree. Get up! Get up! It ain't over yet!"
I am pragmatic. It is strange for me to say this considering I am an artist. At this juncture, saying that sounds so impractical. Maybe I am thinking I am not very idealistic anymore. I know for sure, I am feeling like I have a bad case of "BEEN-THERE-DONE-THAT-itis". Nothing seems new anymore. Also for the first time in my life, I am considering all the common sense, practical things that go hand in hand with my choice to be an artist. I think of how much time, energy, and money I have spent. Yes, it has been well worth it to me, but kind of stupid (in a rational way). Until now, I never gave it a second thought. Art has always been my life. I bought supplies just like I pay any other bills. I suppose what shook me into the shock of reality was I am relatively poor now. Ironically, I have more time to make art than ever in my life. I just don't have many bucks to do it so free and easily. Yet, that is not an excuse. Back in the '80s, I didn't have a pot to piss in and made some of the best art of my life.
So what is a girl to do? I decided if nothing seemed new, I would have to do things in a different way. I am walking toward the light at the top of that hole I am stuck in and reaching for the top.
I joined an online class that has nothing to do with art at all. It is more about life management. I started eating healthy again. I am TRYING to be a little more social. (I really hate this part.) I am never lonely being alone. I love it. I hate being around or talking to people. However, this isn't good for my psyche. So I am making an attempt to socialize at least once a month. I have gone to museums, lectures, and symphonies. I have been thinking about a new body of work. I have been wondering what I want to say with my art. I have watched so many art videos, I can almost recite the transcripts of entire movies. Then, I thought more about my own art. I realized I had to be pragmatic which for me means I HAVE TO MAKE ART or I will die. Art is my purpose in life.
All of a sudden, my brain clicked back on and a flood of ideas started coming. My house and studio looks like a lunatic lives here. WELL.....LOL There are sheets of paper and pictures all over tables and walls. I have work stations everywhere. Now, I have to get started, but where do I start? Stay tuned.