Saturday, April 9, 2016

Art Blog: The Pragmatist

I have to get back to writing. For that matter, I have to get back to everything. I will admit the last four years have been one big pile of (insert any nasty word you choose.) It has been full of frightening, yet exciting changes. It has been full of absolute nonsense, but there were moments of hope. There have been days, weeks, and even months of deep, dark times. I remember reading a quote by Lena Horne. She called them the "Dead Years". I have had a few of those too. In fact despite my gratitude and appreciation for my wonderful art life so far, this apathetic, dreary spell scared me almost to death.

Changes in day jobs, the death of a few friends, a series of art failures, etc. put me into a tailspin. Up until a few weeks ago, I was spinning so hard I heard the buzzing all around me. I have been down before. I have been really down. This time was different. The hole seemed too far down to climb out. I kept telling myself "Come on Sheree. Get up! Get up! It ain't over yet!"

I am pragmatic. It is strange for me to say this considering I am an artist. At this juncture, saying that sounds so impractical. Maybe I am thinking I am not very idealistic anymore. I know for sure, I am feeling like I have a bad case of "BEEN-THERE-DONE-THAT-itis". Nothing seems new anymore. Also for the first time in my life, I am considering all the common sense, practical things that go hand in hand with my choice to be an artist. I think of how much time, energy, and money I have spent. Yes, it has been well worth it to me, but kind of stupid (in a rational way). Until now, I never gave it a second thought. Art has always been my life. I bought supplies just like I pay any other bills. I suppose what shook me into the shock of reality was I am relatively poor now. Ironically, I have more time to make art than ever in my life. I just don't have many bucks to do it so free and easily. Yet, that is not an excuse. Back in the '80s, I didn't have a pot to piss in and made some of the best art of my life.

So what is a girl to do? I decided if nothing seemed new, I would have to do things in a different way. I am walking toward the light at the top of that hole I am stuck in and reaching for the top.

I joined an online class that has nothing to do with art at all. It is more about life management. I started eating healthy again. I am TRYING to be a little more social. (I really hate this part.) I am never lonely being alone. I love it. I hate being around or talking to people. However, this isn't good for my psyche. So I am making an attempt to socialize at least once a month. I have gone to museums, lectures, and symphonies. I have been thinking about a new body of work. I have been wondering what I want to say with my art. I have watched so many art videos, I can almost recite the transcripts of entire movies. Then, I thought more about my own art. I realized I had to be pragmatic which for me means I HAVE TO MAKE ART or I will die. Art is my purpose in life.

All of a sudden, my brain clicked back on and a flood of ideas started coming. My house and studio looks like a lunatic lives here. WELL.....LOL There are sheets of paper and pictures all over tables and walls. I have work stations everywhere. Now, I have to get started, but where do I start? Stay tuned.

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